Life is a song. I know the melody, but seem to be stumbling over the old lyrics. Perhaps it's time to write new ones for the next few verses. But, it takes such courage to compose and create -- to reinvent myself in the middle of the song. It takes vision to reach out seeking new purpose and to let it kindle a spark of creativity and joy--to try on new ideas like clothing and take an honest look in the mirror of self-respect. It requires openness and vulnerability. What will people think? Do I care too much what they think? Or not enough?
Actually, I vacillate between moments of incredible clarity and focus, where the vision is compelling and motivating, alternating with times of fear and confusion when my spirit draws back into its protective shell like a sea creature responding to a dangerous predator. I never know which of these extremes will predominate. Anyone else on this same roller coaster?
I came across a quotation that gave me a physical, visceral jolt from its charge of truth:
Actually, I vacillate between moments of incredible clarity and focus, where the vision is compelling and motivating, alternating with times of fear and confusion when my spirit draws back into its protective shell like a sea creature responding to a dangerous predator. I never know which of these extremes will predominate. Anyone else on this same roller coaster?
I came across a quotation that gave me a physical, visceral jolt from its charge of truth:
"If one wanted to crush and destroy a man entirely, to mete out to him the most terrible punishment," wrote Dostoevsky, "all one would have to do would be to make him do work that was completely and utterly devoid of usefulness and meaning."
Is it an intrinsic part of our humanity that we need to be needed? If we are not useful, finding and expressing connection and meaning, we suffer for the lack. I sang this song of work "utterly devoid of usefulness and meaning" for two long years and it was indeed terrible punishment after a life song of love and service, filled with purpose and meaning. I somehow had fallen into inertia and amnesia about the fact that I can rewrite my own lyrics!
I imagine all of us have experienced times during a dark night of the soul when our life purpose is ripped away through loss, grief, fear, disconnection or adversity. Life's song can be challenging because we often find ourselves improvising it as we go along. Sometimes we lose our voice. Sometimes we forget the words. Sometimes stage fright makes our knees knock and we hyperventilate our way through the song. If we are unwilling (or unable) to leave the safety of our shell, to risk failure in the eyes of our peers, or worse, our own highest selves, our soul is indeed meted out the "terrible punishment" Dostoevsky describes and we are sentenced to life without meaning. But it doesn't have to be that way.
I imagine all of us have experienced times during a dark night of the soul when our life purpose is ripped away through loss, grief, fear, disconnection or adversity. Life's song can be challenging because we often find ourselves improvising it as we go along. Sometimes we lose our voice. Sometimes we forget the words. Sometimes stage fright makes our knees knock and we hyperventilate our way through the song. If we are unwilling (or unable) to leave the safety of our shell, to risk failure in the eyes of our peers, or worse, our own highest selves, our soul is indeed meted out the "terrible punishment" Dostoevsky describes and we are sentenced to life without meaning. But it doesn't have to be that way.
In the words of the poet and philosopher, Kahlil Gibran, about work in his beloved classic, The Prophet:
"When you work you are a flute through whose heart the whispering of the hours turns to music.
Which of you would be a reed, dumb and silent, when all else sings together in unison?"
*******
"And what is it to work with love?
It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart, even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.
It is to build a house with affection, even as if your beloved were to dwell in that house.
It is to sow seeds with tenderness and reap the harvest with joy, even as if your beloved were to eat the fruit.
It is to charge all things you fashion with a breath of your own spirit..."
A life song is certainly to be charged with a breath of our own spirit! And our work is vastly richer if we suffuse it with love and joy. As I sing my life song, I want it to be vibrant, heart-full, breath-taking, with tenderness and love, meaning and beauty. I want to sing a song that lifts others who hear it, gives hope and healing. As I hesitantly start to sing my new lyrics to life's song, I am watching those listening, letting go of my fears and just singing. And I try to silence the biggest critic of all -- the inner one who is loud and sometimes downright destructive!
I sing on, semi-bravely, trying to let my life purpose shine in the lyrics. Sometimes, the song is effortless and it soars, while others join in beautiful harmony. Other days, it's solo and scary. But if I stay in this present moment, feeling all there is to feel, living fully and vibrantly and appreciating all the simplicity and complexity of life -- well, then the song writes itself.
I sing on, semi-bravely, trying to let my life purpose shine in the lyrics. Sometimes, the song is effortless and it soars, while others join in beautiful harmony. Other days, it's solo and scary. But if I stay in this present moment, feeling all there is to feel, living fully and vibrantly and appreciating all the simplicity and complexity of life -- well, then the song writes itself.
